One Liners (R)

• A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said: I bet you can't tell me something that will make me feel happy and sad at the same time.

The wife thought for a few moments, then said: Your penis is bigger than your brother's.

• Q: What is the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.

• Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick and a magician's wand?
A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.

• When God made me, He asked, "Great Memory or Giant Penis?". I cant remember what I said.

• Marriage: Where you have to keep paying for sex long after you had it.

• Virgin Airline ad: We are much more experienced than our name suggests!

• One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy: No, but I've woken up with a few.

• What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?
Stay out of BED for two days.

• What's common between U and Christmas tree?
The balls are just for decoration.

• Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.