ONE LINERS 3

Ever wonder if illiterate people get
the full effect of alphabetsoup?
~ John Mendoza ~

Life sucks. Get a fucking helmet, okay?
~ Denis Leary ~

Have you ever noticed anybody going
slower than you is an idiot, & anyone
going faster than you is a maniac?
~ George Carlin ~

I'm not very feminine. Tried it once,
threw my back out, had to give it up
~ Stephanie Hodge ~

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of
Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?
~ Bart Simpson

Today I met with a subliminal advertising
executive for just a second
~ Stephen Wright ~

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes?
I don't think there's really any oxygen.
I think they're just to muffle the screams
~ Rita Rudner ~

We need anything politically important
rationed out like PEZ: small, sweet, and
coming out of a funny, plastic head
~ Dennis Miller ~

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel,
cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out
~ Bill Hicks ~