ONE LINERS

I'm not into working out. My
philosophy: No pain, no pain
~ Carol Leifer ~

I'm not upset about my divorce.
I'm only upset I'm not a widow
~ Roseanne Barr ~

Sure, the lion is king of the jungle
but airdrop him into Antarctica,
& he's just a penguin's bitch
~ Dennis Miller ~

The trouble with aging is that by
the time you finally know your way
around, you don't feel like going
~ Laura Rufing ~

Sometimes I need what only you
can provide: your absence
~ Ashleigh Brilliant ~

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight
aisles away from the Party Mix?
~ Elayne Boosler ~

My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being, hitting my
head on the top bunk bed until I faint
~ Erma Bombeck ~

I see her as one great stampede of
lips directed at the nearest derriere
~ Noël Coward ~